haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
