I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
