you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
