I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
