I think scott just propositioned me for sex
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
