mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
