just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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