She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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