Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
