There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize