Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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