nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
