girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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