the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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