therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
