think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
