I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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