I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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