I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
