No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
