Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
