My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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