respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
