...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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