summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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