i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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