Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We are two peas in an std pod
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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