You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
