he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
