Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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