I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
