so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
