just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
