do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
