in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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