and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
