She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize