We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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