that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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