Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
