3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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