you traded sex for a burrito?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
