Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I smell stomach acid.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
