What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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