did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
