Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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