Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
