She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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