Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
