She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
