What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
