dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
