the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
