i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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