He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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