As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
