Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
