I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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