Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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