guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
