I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
no, he came in my armpit
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
