shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There r osticjed everywhere
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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