Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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