that's an acceptable place to lick
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
