I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
