you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
