Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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