He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
