Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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