thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
