So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
