i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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