Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
