So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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