...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
