I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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